I could go into more detail about my hellish travel experience yesterday (2 delayed flights, 1 coffee spilled on me by a obnoxious child, 1 rebooted aeroplane), but lets just cut the crap and talk about the dude who ate my boarding pass.
Crouched underneath the overhead bin waiting for a hole in traffic to merge into, I anxiously peer at my cellphone and boarding pass for my next flight. It's no small coincidence that they both say "7:40pm". After I finally make it past the rest of the cattle on our aptly named Airbus, I do my best OJ Simpson impression as I dash across the terminal (only with less homicide, although it had crossed my mind at that point). Of course I skid to a halt at gate 5 just in time to see the flight status changed to "delayed".
As I'm catching my breath and ruing every camel light I've shoved into my lungs over the years, I notice a gentleman performing what appears to be some sort of calisthenics routine in the waiting area. The man was squatting on the ground, then leaping to his feet repeatedly, and it wasn't until he started rocking violently back and forth that I realized that he had some sort of mental illness. I figured who am I to judge, I'm the idiot who booked a flight with a layover at JFK the day after thanksgiving weekend, so I return to focusing my hatred at the flight information screen.
That's when the gentleman seated on the floor lunged towards me, grabbing my boarding pass out of my hand, and shoved it into his mouth.
10 seconds of slack jawed amazement pass, on the part of both myself, the assorted onlookers, and the JetBlue gate agents. I'm gazing in fascination as I watch this man masticate my ticket home, watching the strands of saliva drip from his chin in what seems to be slow motion.
"Um, I assume you'll be needing another boarding pass sir?" The spell is broken by the gate agent, snapping me back to reality.
"Yes, and please tell me there is booze on this flight".